When I found you... Chapter 30(Jaevon Fanfic)

Six months of trying to get back the life she almost lost. Looking at the setting sun, Devon closed her eyes and breathed in the cold air.

The first two months of getting over him was the hardest days for her. Night after night she’d cry herself to sleep. Even in her slumber, she cries painful, piercing tears. She would cry in silence until there’s such a time she could no longer shed a tear.

She put away everything James gave to her. She left her house and went to different places with Ryan and the others. She doesn’t want to go home for it evoked memories she shared with James. Whenever she would remember those memories, her heart felt like it would explode. Every memory tortures her.

She gets strength from her friends. Ryan has always been her constant companion now. Ryan would take her to different places every week.

Little by little, she learned to smile and laugh again. She would joke around and have fun with Yen and Fretzie. After her work, Ryan would take her out to dinner or just watch movies.

But even if she was moving on with her life, there were still moments that she would become silent and felt uninterested in things. She would feel heaviness in her chest that she could not avoid no matter how hard she tries.

Even if she felt this way… she could no longer cry.

In times like this, Ryan seemed to always rescue her from succumbing to an endless torment.

And for that she was grateful.

She opened her eyes and gazed at the yellowish-orange hue of the sun, seeing the birds fly across the vast sky. She turned around when she heard Ryan calling her. She saw him running towards her with ice creams in both hands. She smiled at him and met him halfway.

“Here’s your ice cream, princess.”

“Thank you, my humble servant.” Devon said jokingly, mirth showing in her eyes.

“What? Servant? Yeah, right. Come on, let’s go. You wanna see the Eifel Tower, right?”

“Yep.” Devon answered, licking her ice cream.

They went back to the car and drove through the streets of Paris.

Ryan glanced at the woman beside him. He has witnessed the pain she went through. How he longed to be the one to heal the wounds and erase the scars in her heart. How he hoped and wished to be loved by her. But he knew… Devon would never love him the way he loves her.

He knew Devon still loves James. Even if she’s hurting now, he knew deep in her heart that the love she had for James is still burning with a passion hard to put out.

He settled to be the friend she really needs right now and help her forget the excruciating memories. He’s happy still to be able to make her smile and laugh and there’s nothing more he could ask for but seeing her smile.

Six months of being miserable. Six long months of trying to forget her. It was hard for she was seared in his heart, like a scar that can’t be removed.

With a determination of forgetting her, James immersed himself in work, spending each day reading and making reports on his investments. He worked his secretary hard, that Marisa almost resigned from her work. Every employee gets out of his way and avoids him like a plague, afraid to be the object of his vicious wrath and caustic replies. He worked until he was exhausted and tired of it all.

Six respected chairmen of prominent companies are now seated around the conference table discussing the final details of an international trade agreement. James was seated at the head of the table. He voted carefully on the next three issues, but as the day drifted to an early evening, it became more and more impossible to think of anything but Devon. For the past months, he has been in misery. The scene in his office and in the hospital haunts him, killing him little by little.

“Mr. Force, I assume you are in favor of this proposal?” one of the chairman asked him sharply.

James came out from his reverie and dragged his gaze from the windows.

“I’ll have to give some thought about it.” James prevaricated.

Five surprised faces turned towards him. “It’s your proposal, Mr. Force.”

“Oh… then I’m naturally in favor of it.” He answered coolly.

The committee ended, all men stood up and said their goodbyes.

James went to his office, and started working on some papers. But he stopped for he can’t seem to concentrate and always end up doing wrong. He went out of his office and looked for his secretary.

“Marisa, are you going home?”

“Not if I’m still needed here.”

“Let’s eat. I’m hungry.”

“Okay. But it should be you who’s paying.” Marisa said, trying very hard to hide her mirth.

James couldn’t help but laugh at his sprightly secretary.

“Alright, it’s time I give my appreciation of your patience towards me.” James said. “Oh by the way, won’t Spencer mind of you going to dinner with me?”

“Oh, he wouldn’t mind. He’s not the jealous type.”

Together, they went out of the office and went to a wonderful restaurant, having a wonderful time together, a friendship strengthened by time.

Everyday he’s getting worse. James tried to purge her out of his mind and tear her out of his heart, but failing considerably.

And now he gave up.

He’s too exhausted from his long internal battle to keep on lying to himself anymore.

He could no longer delude himself that he could forget her. In his mind he saw Devon smiling up at him, the smile that used to give light to his life.

Seating behind his office desk, he wearily leaned his head against the back of his chair and closed his eyes. But he would not sleep, even if it’s dawn. He never slept anymore unless he’d work himself hard or drunk himself to oblivion. It was hard to surrender the battle when the victor no longer wants him.

He woke up five hours later. He went home to shower and change and went back to the office to bury himself to work again. This was his routine since the day he cast Devon out of his life.

The office darkened as a sign of another day is ending. James leaned his back against his chair, rubbing his stiff shoulders and neck. His secretary came in telling him that Mr. Ivan Andersen is looking for him. He motioned her to let him in and he stood up to welcome his friend he hasn’t seen in months. He was surprised at the sudden arrival of Ivan that he couldn’t think of reasons for this visit. Ivan came in the office and saw his friend standing in the middle of the room.

“Hi. What brought you here?” James greeted.

“Just wanna visit an old time friend,” Ivan said, smiling. “Are you done with work?”

“Yes, I’m actually about to go home.”

“Good. Let’s talk in your house. I have some good news to tell.”

“Oh? Alright, I’ll just tidy things up and we’ll go.”

“Alright.”

James and Ivan drink their night to oblivion, reminiscing their boyhood misdemeanors and when they’re done with that they began talking bawdy stories and laugh uproariously to some jokes.

“I must congratulate you.” James said slurring, taking another drink and raise his glass for a toast. “Congratulations on your wedding.”

“Migawd” Ivan rasped admiringly. “Thanks, but I’m surprised that you can drink like this.”

James just shrugged and gave his friend a lop-sided grin.

Ivan watched his friend open another bottle of whiskey and filled the glass to the brim.

“Dude, what the hell are you trying to do, drown yourself?”

“I’m trying to drink myself to oblivion,” James said proudly. “Just this once… I want to forget the pain.”

Even though the words were slurred, they were filled with such pain and despair that Ivan’s head snapped up and stared, trying to be alert.

“I shouldn’t have done that. I should have just ignored what I saw.” James continued and took a long swallow of his drink. “But now… I’m sure she wouldn’t have me back… after what I’ve done to her that awful night… Devon could never take me back.” He grimaced and finished his glass. Ivan shook his head, trying desperately to clear the alcohol euphoria and tried to concentrate.

“What did you do?”

James told him every sordid detail, how he degraded and humiliated her. Unmindful of his tears full of anguish, he poured out everything in front of his friend. And when he was done, he put his arms on the table and buried his face in them, finally reaching the oblivion he’d been seeking all night.

Ivan stared at James, comprehension dawning on him.

So that’s what happened, Ivan thought.

He was late. James was running, skipping some steps towards the church. He entered the church and saw the couple saying the vows. He seated himself in the last row, avoiding attracting attention. He scanned the crowd and looked for the person he had wanted to see. Since Ivan gave him an invitation, James felt excited at seeing Devon but at the same time dread of what her reaction might be when she sees him. And there he saw, seated in the front row… Devon.

His heart felt like it was about to burst.

He forgot how beautiful she was, how her eyes twinkle whenever she smiles, how her lustrous hair flows perfectly down her back… and he missed all that.

All throughout the ceremony, James did nothing but stare at her the whole time.

She felt happy. Devon was gazing at the lovely couple, when the uneasiness came again.

He’s here! Devon thought wildly.

Somehow, she felt his presence. Somewhere in the church she knew he’s there… watching her.

But she did not dare turn and scan the crowd. She doesn’t want another rejection from him.

Once is enough… it would kill her if it happens the second time.

She closed her eyes and prayed for the strength to face him. The anger and the pain were still there, and knowing that he’s here makes her remember it all over again, feeling the hurt once more. She doesn’t want to be angry, but it was hard to forgive him.

Everyone stood up when the groom kissed the bride, cheering and clapping their hands for the joyous union that was bind by love. The people gathered around Yen and Ivan as they wend their way through the aisle.

Devon turned around and there she saw, standing at the back of the church… James.

Her whole body stiffened and became rigid. The surge of hot anger burst inside her like flames, licking the blood flowing in her veins. The handsome face that always plagues her mind every night was very hard to forget.

There’s a part of her that wants to run to him and feel his arms around her once more, but it was overridden by anger that she can’t help but despise the man… she once loved… she still loves.

But she doesn’t want to be the fool anymore… not this time.

James felt like his world crumbled to dust when he saw the hatred in her eyes. For a flicker of the light, he thought he saw the longing in her eyes. But he was wrong. He saw her look away from him. How he hated himself with a virulence that nearly strangled his breathing. Regret and despair were eating him like acid.

Her face was no longer there for him to see, her smile was no longer there to shine the dark days of his life, her caress was no longer there to comfort him… she’s no longer his.

The realization almost brought him to his knees.

He has nothing to return to. It is the end.

The reception was full of laughter and joyful banter from the people sitting on the tables.

James kept scanning the crowd, looking for her. He saw her nowhere.

Is she avoiding me?

Please… give me this chance to talk to her… please, God, James thought desperately.

Ivan saw the troubled look on James face and seemed to be looking for someone.

“Are you alright, James?”

“Oh… yes, I’m fine. Congratulations, by the way.”

“You’re looking for her, aren’t you?” Ivan asked.

“What?”

“She’s not here anymore, James. She’s going to Greece. A well-known company offered her a job there.

“No…”

“You need to know, she had never cheated on you, James. The day you walked out of the hospital, Enrique came. We witnessed how he knelt down in front of her, begging for forgiveness. Devon blamed him for everything. She says it was his entire fault that you cast her out of your life, and for that she could never forgive him.” Ivan said, and looked at the emotions playing in his friend’s face. “You’ve hurt her too. The past few months were hell for her. And the wound is still not healed. But I know deep inside she still loves you. And the only one that could heal those wounds is you.”

James was dumbfounded. Remorse was eating him inside. How he hated himself. He cursed himself for his stupidity. He should have known. But it was all too late… she’s gone.

“You still have time.” Ryan spoke, walking towards them. “If you’ll hurry, you’ll be able to catch her.”

“Ryan… I-“

“Just shut up, James, if you still want to stop her, you got to hurry. And let me warn you. If you ever make her cry again, you will have to answer to me.” Ryan threatened. “Goodluck. Now go! Get your ass off here.” Ryan said and smiled at his friend.

“Thank you. I owe you one.” James said and gave his friends a tap in the back and ran towards the door.

James immediately went inside his car and drove the throngs of cars. He was driving faster than necessary.

Crawling Back To You

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hapTul53uSg

Everybody knows
That I was such a fool
To ever let go of you

The traffic was slowing him. He cursed vehemently.

I can’t make it…

Oh gawd, please let me make it…

I know I broke your heart
I didn't mean to break your heart
But baby, here I am

He suddenly heard a tap on his windshield and saw a man riding a motorcycle. It was Ryan.

“What are you doing here?” James asked surprised.

“You need to hurry, get out of the car now.”

James followed his friend and didn’t make any objections.

Ryan handed him the helmet and went straight to James’ car.

“Goodluck, dude.” Ryan said through the window.

“Thanks.” James said and rode the motorcycle and made his way through the traffic jam.

My pride's spilled on the floor
My hands and knees are bruised
And I'm crawling back to you
Begging for a second chance

He finally reached the airport and unceremoniously dropped the helmet on the seat of the motorcycle. He ran inside and looked for Devon.

I was running from the truth
And now I'm crawling back to you

In his hurry, James pushed his way through the crowd, anxiously looking for any sign of Devon. His heart was beating so fast, afraid that she has already left. Every agonizing second lost seemed like his chances of seeing her diminish.

I was lying to myself
Now I'm dying in this hell
Girl, I know you're mad
I can't blame you for being mad
But baby, here I am

Devon opened the bag of chips, as she made her way through the crowd. She was busy opening the can of coke that she didn’t notice the man standing five feet away from her, staring at her with joy and nervousness.

If you could see these tears I'm crying
Touch these hands that can't stop shaking
Hear my heart that's barely beating
You would see a different man

Finally, he saw her. He wanted to pull her into his arms and lose himself in those eyes and lips. He wanted to come down on his knees and beg for her forgiveness.

He wanted to love her.

After several tries of opening her can, she finally opened it. She took a sip and was about to get back to her seat when she beheld the man in front of her. She was astounded. She stood still, rooted to the spot. And she watched as he slowly approached her.

BACK TO YOUR HEART

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bk1ycczO4I4

It's not that I can't live without you
It's just that I don't even want to try
Every night I dream about you
Ever since the day we said goodbye

“What are you doing here?” Devon asked.

“I’m here to stop you.”

“Stop me from what?”

“From leaving…”

Devon was bemused.

He must be crazy.
This must be some kind of a joke.

If I wasn't such a fool
Right now I'd be holding you
There's nothin' that I wouldn't do
Baby if I only knew

“And why would you want to stop me?” Devon snorted.

“Because, everyone who loves you is here. You can’t leave them just like that.” James reasoned out.

“Who are you to reprimand me?” Devon asked, anger slowly boiling up inside her.

“I’m just someone who would die inside if you leave…”

The words to say
The road to take
To find a way back to your heart
What can I do
To get to you
And find a way back to your heart

She was stunned by the words and the way he said it. All the tears that she thought has already been shed are now threatening to spill.

“Don’t leave…” James pleaded his face full of anguish and remorse. “Please, my love…”

This was what she wanted to hear for all those months.

Her mind was in turmoil, torn between giving in and wanting to right everything.

She looked down and closed her eyes, her hair tumbling down in waves covering her face.

She opened her eyes, tears streaming down her cheeks. She looked up at him.

“I can’t…”

James was shattered. He roughly pulled her into his arms and hugged her tightly.

“Why? I love you so much…” James asked, his voice was hoarse from trying hard to control the tears from flowing. “Why can’t you? You still love me. I know you do.”

I don't know how it got so crazy
But I'll do anything to set things right
Cuz your love is so amazing
Baby you're the best thing in my life
Let me prove my love is real
And made you feel the way I feel
I promise I would give the world
If only you would tell me girl

Her heart was like it was being crushed. She wanted to ease his pain, but she doesn’t want to go back and make the same mistake, committing herself without a closure from her past relationship. Devon looked up at him.

“I love you. God knows how much I love you.” Devon admitted resignedly. “But I can’t fully give my heart knowing that a part of me has been lost by loving you. Please, don’t think I don’t love you anymore. I just wanna find myself. The time we are apart is for us to think things through.”

Devon touched his face, telling him to understand.

“In the past months that I was crying, I realized that my love for you has become destructive. It’s no longer right. Ever since from the start, we both know we have problems needed to be fixed.” She said. “What’s the use of our love if there’s no trust between us? Because of what Mikaela did, you’ve become cynical and mistrustful of women. If we won’t let go of our past, we can’t truly move on and love each other unconditionally. When we come to a fight again, those ghosts from our past would come back to haunt us. And you would cast me out of your life again.” Devon explained, tears streaming down her face. She doesn’t want to hurt this man. She loves him, but they can’t go on like this. “Maybe, this is not the time for us to be together.”

Upon hearing those words, he sensed with a sinking feeling that Devon already made up her mind.

Give me one more chance, to give my love to you
Cuz no one on this earth loves you like I do
Tell me...

She’s leaving. She’s leaving me, James thought panicking, scared by the finality of it.

“Please… I’ll do anything. I’d go down on my knees. Just tell me the way back to your heart.”

In the middle of the crowded airport, a man fell down on his knees, abandoning all pride, baring his all in front of the woman he loved.

I turn back time
To make you mine
And find a way back to your heart
I beg and plead
Fall to my knees
To find a way back to your heart

With tears falling down his cheeks, he begged her for the last time.

“Please don’t go. Don’t leave me…”

Devon was crushed the moment he fell down on his knees. Her heart was being bound and she was finding it hard to breathe. The naked anguish in his voice brought another hot tears flowing down her cheeks as she watched him fall down on his knees, begging her to stay.

“James, please don’t do this to me.” Devon said beseechingly, trying to pull him up. “Don’t make it harder for me than it already is.”

James stood up and embraced her tightly, pulling her closer to him. Devon encircled her arms around his neck and kissed him on the cheek.

“Goodbye, Jaime”

Devon let go of him and pushed him gently away from her. She turned and started to walk away from him. She only has taken three steps when strong arms encircled her waist. She closed her eyes, trying hard to wash away the pain.

James hugged her from behind, crying in earnest, sobs rocking his broad shoulders.

LIKE A CHILD

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I-Bj6djgEKA&feature=related

If I could right the wrongs that made you cry
Would you promise not to say goodbye
Cause I'm holding on
With a love so strong
And I can't take a day without you by my side

“I love you.” James said for the last time.

Devon pulled his arms away from her waist. Without looking back, she continued walking away… away from him. With silent sobs that shredded her heart to a million pieces, she made her way to the check-in area.

Girl if I could change
If I could change your mind
Maybe you could help me wipe these tears from my eyes

James watched her retreating back, not minding the tears now flowing fast down his face.

He watched her, until he could only see a glimpse of her… until he could no longer see her.

Girl don't stop
The sun from shining down on me
Cause I can't face another day without your smile
And if you take away the loving arms that surround me
Then I might break down and cry just like a child

Sitting on his motorcycle, James looked up as the plane flew across the sky like a twinkling star. How long he sat there he didn’t know. He doesn’t want to move. Life has no meaning for him now that she’s gone.

Will I ever see her again?

Will she come back to me?

The thought of not having her in his life is like living in an empty world with no life… no warmth, no happiness…

She was gone and with her, his reason for living each day.

He had driven her away, finally broke her spirit and defeated her.

A part of him was painfully and roughly taken away when Devon walked out of his life.

Will he ever be complete?

He prefers death than suffer a life without her to light up his way.

If God permit that he would be given a chance to be with her again, he would never let her go.

Girl I can't belong and I won't be free
If I fail to bring your loving back to me
So I'm pressing on
I hope you understand
There's a broken heart that lies within your hands

So if I could change
And it won't hurt your pride
Baby you can help me stop these tears from my eyes

Months have passed since she left. Standing on the edge of the cliff, James looked at the vast horizon, waiting for that someday…

The love he had for her sustained him, even if it was returned…

"All love is sweet, given or returned."

--Percy Bysshe Shelley